An Open Letter to the Jerk Who Goes in My Garbage

Dear Annoying Raccoon,

 

It isn't funny anymore. You have been terrorizing us for months now and I am asking you to please, please move on.

 

I guess gluten-free garbage appeals to you.  That must be why you keep coming back.  What kind of raccoon do you call yourself anyway?

 

We are onto you.

 

We saw you the day after the birthday party...stumbling across the yard at 7am like a drunken sailor. You pulled an all nighter; Carefully attacking EVERY... SINGLE... TRASH... BAG... WE...HAD....didn't you? You should be ASHAMED!!!!

 

I am so tired of seeing your little muddy footprints on my back porch. NEWS FLASH: There is NOTHING ON MY BACK PORCH THAT INVOLVES YOU!!!

 

We have you on camera mister. GO AWAY!

 

Kindly (Not really),

 

Humble Hearts Academy

 

P.S.

 

I saw some cookies n cream ice cream containers in the neighbors recycle bin. They are practically begging for you to visit them.